Becky Fawcett is a mother, founder and entrepreneur. She helps create families. Becky and I met at The Wing in SoHo one morning. She started talking about her adoption story, I shared about my egg-freezing journey and we became fast friends. When she said she’d join me for an interview on the Web Series version of this Podcast, I was SO excited! Her interview is too good to chop up so you’re getting the full interview available on Apple iTunes and a short clip of our interview on YouTube. Subscribe to both channels for content delivered in delightful ways, helping you get informed, get connected, get hired and get inspired on your journey to curating everything you need to get the life you want.

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And for those of you with limited time, here’s a transcript of our conversation:

  • I wrote a business plan about 11 years ago for a nondiscriminatory adoption grant program that welcomed every type of person (1:33-1:40)
  • We were giving large transformative grants up to $15,000 (1:48)
  • An average adoption is $40,000. Most of the people who apply to us, really we’re looking to be that last piece of the puzzle, to close that financial gap, so we give grants anywhere from $4-5,000 up to the full $15,000 (1:54-2:12)
  • I never had “the” conversation… I am very anti-sit down we have to talk moments. I don’t like those moments… [Talking about her son] The minute he was in my arm, the word [adoption] started coming out. It is something he has always known (3:00-3:28)
  • They need to know from the start. It needs to be that they don’t remember the conversation, it’s just part of who they are (4:20-4:30)
  • My kids have no problem talking about it… I wouldn’t be a mother without adoption (5:00-5:09)
  • [Talking about her daughter] She asked me once if I wished she had come from my belly. I told her I didn’t, because if she had come from my belly, she would have not been her, and that’s who I fell in love with, her, and her story, and her birth mother (6:12-6:28)
  • I’ve really empowered them to really own it (6:34)
  • His friends want to know what it’s like… he said it’s normal… it’s just who we are (6:43-6:54)
  • An open adoption is what we have with my two children, and that means that there have been face-to-face meetings, that we know who each other are, that info has been shared pre-birth, that this was a conscious decision to move forward in this together as the birth family and the adopted family (7:48-8:02)
  • There’s different variations of open adoptions, but in our open adoptions, they know our last name, they know where we live, they have my cell phone number, they have my email. They know that and all the work we do is dedicated to them… It’s open, they are part of who I am now as a person (8:02-8:28)
  • There’s different levels of open adoption but it really is the sharing of information… My kids don’t have to wonder what their story is, we’ve got the details. And when they’re ready, they can have it. They can have face-to-face meetings, they can have independent relationships, this is a very respectful relationship that we have on both sides (8:30-8:54)
  • Closed does happen. It’s not what I would choose, but under certain circumstances there are both parties who decide that they are not going to share information, and they move forward as such… that is very hard for adoptees (9:00-9:15)
  • So we had an issue recently where a child came up to her at lunch and said “your mom’s not your real mom and you don’t belong here.” My daughter just sort of looked at them and walked away. She came home and she told me what happened at school and she said “why would someone talk about something they don’t know.” Coming from an 8 y/o (9:18-9:48)
  • Not every child could [walk away] if that was said to them. They might crumble, and they might be really hurt, and they might start to question everything. I don’t think that’s fair for an outsider to take that away from them. I do work really hard to educate people about what adoption really is (10:18-10:40)
  • It’s a lifelong decision that I’m parenting these children, but it’s also a lifelong decision that I’m communicating with these birth mothers and they’re communicating with me… When something happens, my son is about to lose his last baby tooth, who do you think I’m going to call? His birth mother. That’s who I want to call when these moments happen because we’re in this together (11:00-11:30)
  • You can’t have enough people loving a child (11:42-11:46)
  • I tell people that A… there are a lot of people that don’t wear it so openly. Personal preference. If you don’t know how to talk about adoption, ask! (12:32-12:42)
  • It’s building a family in a different way (13:24-13:26)
  • If you give everybody the information, what’re they going to hurt you with? (14:28-14:32)
  • I wish I had known how beautiful adoption could be. I wish I had known more about what modern day adoption is, what open adoption is, how that when it’s an open adoption you really meet these wonderful women who are trying to the right thing by the child they are carrying and by themselves, for themselves (15:44-15:58)
  • I wish I had known how easy it is to love a child that didn’t come from my body and how good it could be (16:06-16:14)
  • I’m not saying that this is for everybody… but I’d like to be an educator and show everybody… (16:25-16:35)
  • I want adoption to be less scary… and to fulfill their dream of parenthood (16:50-17:00)